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Identity

I want to revisit the idea of identity. This is what I wrote last week:

Confidence, in my opinion, comes from believing in something. That you can believe something is true and right and will not fail you. This confidence can then potentially enable you do anything because you are completely sure that that something will be able to answer any question and solve any problem. I believe that this is how people develop identities. Identities are built upon what defines a person, and what defines a person is what they believe in. Therefore, to summarize what this has to do with me, I believe that because I have become so incapable of discerning the good and bad within myself, I have lost any sense of identity. Essentially this means that I have lost sight of what I hold to be truth.

I’ve been struggling with this idea of who am I. Where did I get my identity from and what is it? I had this conversation with Katie last night and it seemed as if I came to the conclusion that I’ve lost my identity. Why I thought this was that when I came to college, I felt like I knew who I was, I knew what characterized me and I knew what defined me. Now I feel like I’ve developed this idea of who I am supposed to be or want to be, but don’t know how to be it. So in a sense I feel like I am in some sort of limbo. We talked a lot about how I felt like confidence in myself plays a large part in this. If you take my thoughts on confidence shaping identities from above, it is easy to see why I’ve been so distraught. I’ve been attempting to build confidence in myself by believing in myself and believing that I am a Christian. The problem though is that I’ve been incredibly dissatisfied with my “performance” as a Christian, and that because I can not seem to live out my Christian beliefs in a bold and confident manner, I doubt the very assumption that I am a Christian.

            Finally writing this all out and attempting to articulate my thoughts brings such clarity and reminds me how easy it is to forget the things I’ve been taught and how quickly such ridiculous thinking can take control of one’s heart. I am incredibly blessed and grateful to have Katie in my life to be able to talk to and help me understand. It is just silly though how all of this becomes so complicated but is so simply solved. God’s word is so simple and to the point. It is amazing to me how in my quest to understand things on my own, I so very easily over think and complicate things to the point of paralyzing myself, but then how simply God’s word can bring an immense amount of clarity and freedom to my soul.

            I read a sermon this morning by John Piper on 1 Peter 2:9-10. It is titled Christian Identity and Christian Destiny. Once I started to read it I felt so foolish for not turning here quicker, or not being able to remember this incredibly simple concept that Peter talks about. This concept that my identity is already defined. Meaning that my identity is not defined by what I do or want to do but rather by what’s been done for me. In these two verses Peter presents how we are not defined by what we do but by the relationship God has established with us. How freeing is this statement! The idea that I do not have control of my identity and therefore my confidence in it does not hang on my performance. My confidence in who I am has been given to me and grants me the ability to be free of trying to perform up to “my standards” (standards that I try to establish for myself to improve my life). This revelation gives me the confidence to go out and live my life as God’s possession. Defining who I am and what I do as something that God has done for me, not what I’ve done for God.

Our role as God’s possessions becomes a beautiful thing, rather than a burden. Peter explains “that we may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light." John Piper then deducts that this is the full-time destiny of a royal priest—to make the glories of the king known

 So what does this all mean to me? How is this my identity?

1 Peter 2:9-10:

⁹But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light; ¹⁰for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

My identity:

            -I am chosen

            -I am pitied

            -I am God’s possession

            -I am holy

            -I am a royal priest

Synthesized:

            I am God-chosen, God-pitied, God-possessed, God-sanctified.             The very language of my identity in this text necessitates that God be included as the one who acts. My identity is not an end in itself, but for the sake of priestly service, which Peter defines as proclaiming the excellencies of the One who called me out of darkness into his marvelous light.

God made me who I am so that I might proclaim the excellency of his freedom in choosing me. The excellency of his grace in pitying me. The excellencies of his authority and power in possessing me. The excellencies of his worth and purity in making me holy.

                 In other words he has given me my identity in order that his identity might be proclaimed through me. God made me who I am so I can make known who he is. My identity is for the sake of making known his identity. The meaning of my identity is that the excellency of God be seen in me.

This last bit is taken from the sermon I read this morning, The whole thing can be read or listened to by following the link under post links.

Rotor House by Luigi Colani

Brilliant idea for small space design. Would like to see more natural products though. I read a little bit about the design concept and how most everything is inspired by nature, so why not use natural materials?

Front

Back

View from living room showing bedroom space.

View from living room showing bathroom space.

View from living room showing kitchen space.

Incredibly cool nonetheless. Check out his website on the right under post links.

Purposeful Discipline

This is something I mentioned in the last post. What got me started on this was a sermon by Tim Foster and then today I came across this article by James Hall, not a Christ centered view but still useful information.
http://www.hs.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=122137351157506.

Purposeful Discipline is one of those major things I have been lacking. I know that my lack of discipline in a lot of different areas, whether it is getting things done, eating responsibly, being financially responsible, or just sticking up for the things I believe in, has been one of the big factors in my all too prevalent feeling of despondency.

I do not believe that I wrote that bit on despondency with the intent that it would bring about pity. I do not want people to feel bad for me. Rather, I'd like to see it more as a call to action. For myself to start living my faith and doing so with divine confidence. For others to challenge me in what I am doing and why I am doing it. I want to be constantly working to be a better demonstration of God's love and grace, knowing all too well that if left to myself it will not happen.

Despondency

Attempting to understand despondency for myself as well as others who may have or may be experiencing similar things.


One thing that helped me through this process was John Pipers sermon on despondency, which I will provide a link for on the side. Keep in mind this is just me trying to work through what I have been going through and attempting to articulate my thoughts. After talking to a Ben and Clint yesterday, and then listening to Tim Foster's sermon on Purposeful Discipline I think I will need to reevaluate parts of this (most of which was written on Thursday).

I'm not sure why but for as long as I can remember I have always been unable to express myself, my ideas, or opinions without first meticulously analyzing them. For some reason I have put this requirement on myself that I feel like I must know as much as humanly possible about any subject that requires my feedback or input. When I am pushed to respond before I feel completely confident in what I have to say, I usually shrug my shoulders and you can expect my all too common response of "I don't know." In addition, and far worse, is this tendency to attempt to analyze my thoughts, which are often simultaneously analyzing my surroundings. This is where my indecisiveness has come from and consequently my lack of confidence, resulting in a recurring stagnation.

Indecision and Confidence

By constantly analyzing my thoughts I always find a way of realizing my sinful nature and tendencies hidden within even good thoughts and intentions. With this sort of critical inner scrutiny it seems as if it has become impossible to be confident in anything I say. Confidence, in my opinion, comes from believing in something. That you can believe something is true and right and will not fail you. This confidence can then potentially enable you do anything because you are completely sure that that something will be able to answer any question and solve any problem. I believe that this is how people develop identities. Identities are built upon what defines a person, and what defines a person is what they believe in. Therefore, to summarize what this has to do with me, I believe that because I have become so incapable of discerning the good and bad within myself, I have lost any sense of identity. Essentially this means that I have lost sight of what I hold to be truth.

Stagnation

Being unable to identify oneself has honestly been one of the most frustrating experiences I've ever had to deal with. When one loses a grasp on reality, on who they are and what they are doing here, one of two things will happen to that person. They either will try to regain a sense of identity by going out to explore "the world," or two, they will become despondent, much like I did.

What do I mean when I talk about "exploring the world?" Please do not misunderstand me here and think that I am against exploring cultures that are different than our own, but I do think that there are hidden meanings within the reasons why we as human beings feel like we need to go out into the world. It is my understanding that "exploring the world" leads to a cyclical experience in which one is stimulated, inspired to act, and then enlightened.  As a result, one can be very naturally lead to explore more and more cultures or perspectives that were not their own. I do not believe this is a bad thing in itself, but rather that this can very often become an addiction. This idea of constantly searching and striving for more exposure, helps initiate the next stimulation, consequently inspiring and ultimately enlightening the individual. In a sense, seeking a certain level of stimulation and inspiration is to provide one with a self-empowering high. This high then grants them the motivation to understand, process, and apply what they've just been exposed to. This type of cyclical environment presents an opportunistic view that one can go meaning of life through experience and ones reaction to it.

You may be asking yourself now, what is wrong with a desire for experiential highs?  In addition to why would despondency be a more authentic and genuine reaction to life as it is? As the process explained above implies, a cyclical environment involves a full circle, so not just ups but also the downs, to produce a balance. What happens between the time of enlightenment and the next stimulation? Either you can become obsessed with the most recent or previous enlightenments, allowing it to define who you will be and who you want to be, or there is a moment of downtime. It is during this downtime that most of us will experience some form of despondency. I think what happens here is that we are forced to come to terms with who we are and what we are doing here. More often than not this leads to searching the world around us to find some sort of stimulation that is usually something that we that we can relate to or identify with. Through this people find meaning in the things they do: their work, their significant other, their friends, their family, their accomplishments, etc. The other common result despondency tends to do is make people turn inward and look within themselves for answers. What is unnerving about this is that if we are honest with ourselves, when we slow down and take the time to look inward, we are almost always confronted with questions like: why am I here, who am I, where am I going, what's the point, is there more to life?

Now I understand that despondency would seem like something to avoid, but I’d like to challenge that by asking this question, “Wouldn’t it be better to understand who we are and why we are here, to find true identity and place, rather than allowing experiences and the world around us to do this for us?” Which one of these sounds like a more honest and real experience? Let us look at each one separately so we can better compare them.

Experiential Gratification vs. Despondent Revelation

These were my initial thoughts on this. I know it is not a perfect comparison so if it needs modification or further explanation let me know.

            Experiential Gratification can provide:

                  Short-term (Initial gains)

Quick, sometimes instant gratification

                        The impression of self control in one’s life

                        The impression of self empowerment

                  Long-term (What it leads to)

                        Never fully satisfied (always wanting the next best thing)

                        Your happiness is dependant on your surroundings

 You are reliant on your circumstances

Despondent Revelation can provide:

      Short-term (Initial consequences)

            Hardship

            Suffering

            Doubt

            Uncertainty

            Lack of confidence

     Long-term (What it leads to)

                        Self realization – come to better understanding of self

                        Sense of Hope and courage for the present and future

                        Helps lead to a sense of contentment in all situations

                        Takes your fate out of your hands, so begins to remove stress

                        Gives you a stronger foundation than yourself to lean on

                       

What is Despondent Revelation?

            What I am thinking here is the revelation one can come to after struggling with a despondent spirit. The conclusions one comes to are either to reenter the cyclical lifestyle of searching the world for happiness (experiential gratification), or you enter into a relationship with God (despondent revelation), discovering or rediscovering the covenants he has made with his people. So one deals with moving on and ignoring the deep longing within ones soul, the other deals with finding answers to that longing, searching for the truths of this world.

Feedback and criticism would be greatly appreciated.